Welcome back to OnGoingGrowing! Today we will look at a “game“ that you can share with your partner that will help you deepen and strengthen your relationship. That “game” is also enjoyable with close friends during dinner, but I want to share how much it can contribute to your love relationship.
It is as simple as… Asking Questions!
Questions are part of our lives, but rarely we dare to ask what is on our minds. Remember, as children, we all played Truth or Dare and most of us felt uncomfortable with one or the other but we always enjoyed the challenge of it, and it allowed us to get to know our friends a bit more. As adults, we may still play that game, and while the end goals might be different, we always enjoy asking questions to others. Variety of games have been invented and can be played using questions. These have a place and a role to play in getting to know the people around us especially our life partner.
Let me tell you a short story, about how the discovery through questions started for my partner and me!
One evening, while having dinner at our place with my wife’s friends, she decided to prepare a little game for us. She collected a bunch of questions that she found online then she wrote them on little pieces of paper and put them into a jar on the table. The pieces of paper in the pot didn’t catch people’s attention, but when my wife explained the surprise game, you could read of our guest’s faces:
“What kind of questions would I need to answer?”
“Thats a bit weird, could we do something else maybe?”
After that the surprise effect was over, the atmosphere quickly changed, and we could share openly, be honest and laugh. It went very well, and we had a lovely evening on top on excellent food. We had the chance to know our guests a bit more, and they had the opportunity to know us more too. That is a dinner that will stay in my memory more than many others because we had these honest moments and we could connect.
When our guests left, we cleaned up the table but left the jar of questions with the ones we didn’t have time to go through. The next day, because we liked how the evening went, we started to pick some questions and answer them, just my wife and I. Little we knew how this would turn out months later!
The Power of Random Questions
Some questions in that jar have were selected carefully, but the rest were just random. Over time, when we needed to refill the pot, we found a few articles and websites suggesting “questions you MUST ask your partner”. Some questions were bullshit, but often we have been positively surprised. Many of these questions we would never ask each other. It allowed us to discover different facets of each other.
Some questions also made us think about where we want to go in life and sometimes in areas we might not have considered would matter to us or in areas that we didn’t talk about yet.
In the last six months, I’ve discovered a lot about my wife but also about myself. These questions forced me to think about aspects of life I usually don’t consider, and that helped me to know myself better too. My wife can say the same; it was an excellent experience for both of us.
So now that you know what to do, allow me to share some of my best tips on how to look for great questions?
Our Top Recommendations to Find Good Questions!
While you can google them and find plenty, you will regularly see questions that might not be that great and are adding little value. At the same time, you might also want to keep them because you never know what will be revealed from the answers.To remedy that, we recently started to use an app, and we bought some cards from one of our favourite websites. Let me introduce you to both of them and explain how they work:
Gottman Card Decks
This app is available on iTunes and Android at least. It has 12 categories, and each of them is targetting an area of the relationship. Most categories contain questions, but some consist of actions too. Here are some examples:
- Open-Ended Questions
- What do you find exciting in life right now?
- How do you feel about your family right now? Have these feelings changed lately?
- What are the biggest worries about the future?
- Sex Questions to Ask a Man
- Many men say that they physically enjoy masturbation, but they feel there is something wrong about that. Do you think this?
- In your view, what is the role of masturbation in our sex life together?
- Sex Questions to Ask a Woman
- Do you usually have multiple orgasms?
- Do you feel pressure to climax at the same time as me? What can I do to make that better?
There are also categories of actions to do such as “Rituals of Connection and Opportunity”. These will help you build connection and improve trust.
If you want something fun (and sexy), there are three categories of “Salsa” actions, from Mild to Hot and the middle one is Medium.
While these actions aren’t the topic of the article, I know these might interest some of you…!
The School of Life: The Confessions Game
As I follow and often share The School of Life content in my articles, I decided to offer The Confessions Game to my wife of Christmas. It’s more for our friends and us then just for her, and it is also a way to support an excellent YouTube Channel that brought so much wisdom into our relationship.
The game is simple; you have a dice with six sides: Career, Sex, Money, Relationships and Family. The last side is a question mark. You roll the dice, pick the question card corresponding to the side you just rolled and answer it as honestly as possible. If you have the question mark, you can choose any question card and answer it.
Here are some questions you might come across:
- Which of your friends do you envy the most?
- If you were braver, what would you be doing with your life?
- Would you rather be poor but esteemed, or rich but ignored?
- What bad trait of your mother have you inherited?
And that’s about it! I know that this can bring value to many couples who are interested in growing closer. It started from nowhere for us, but now it is one of our rituals we are looking forward too.
Worst case scenario: if you are not into the questions and if you made it this far with the article, you can always use the App to spice up your long winter evenings…!
Thank you for coming back to my blog, and I see you in the next one. In the meantime make it a great relationship!
Keep learning and stay curious. 🙂