It is 23h, and I am just starting writing for today. After 24 daily articles for in 24 days, I want to keep that going and make it 25! Creativity under pressure is rarely flowing, so I had quite of a struggle to start! Luckily enough, just before she went to sleep, we had the last exchange with my wife, and that will be our topic of the day as I believe in it, and its value. It is about the care we can have for others, no matter if we actually care about the matter at hand.
First, I want to say that we do not have to care about everyone’s problems. Yet, in some situations or for some people, sometimes we would like to care, but to be bluntly honest, we do not feel it. It could be the situation they are in isn’t resonating with you, after all, we weren’t ever in their situation. We could just be tired, and our capacity for care is low. No matter our reason, we struggle to care for them.
Some people prefer not to say anything; some people prefer to lie, we’ve all heard the fake:
“Oh poor thing, I feel you so much”
For many years and in various jobs, I have been talking every day to customers, face to face, by email, on the phone or in live chat, and I learned many valuable lessons. One of which I want us to explore today.
After a while of dealing with many different types of issues, I found myself having different levels of emotional engagement for them. Which indeed influences the quality of the outcomes. Just for a moment, extend that to your relationships, your real ones: your partner, your family, or your best friend. How much you engage yourself emotionally with them, or their situations, impact directly how you feel, react, support, and love them? It’s normal; I would dare to say even human. But is that it? Can’t we do better for our loved ones?
I believe that we have the capacity to chose our responses in life and to life. I wrote on multiple occasions about the choice of Loving someone, the latest article being about choosing to love in tough time. Caring is not different from love; we can choose to do it. Here too, it is easier to say than doing it;
The trigger for me was to realise that when I deal with a customer, no matter why they take the time to come to me and ask, or write an e-mail about a problem, they cared enough to spend their time to do it. They cared enough. So I MUST care too. And it does not matter whether I understand why they ask about that specifically. Or that I don’t see the point, and that it is something I would never ask about. When others are reaching out to us, it is about them. It is not about us. It is the same with your wife, your 7-year-old daughter or your brother. It is unfair and egoistic to make it about ourselves. It is crazy to think that we know better what matters more to others than themselves. But yet, we do that all the time.
What is interesting is that the mindset shift is not enough. It is not something that is understood intellectually, and then can be done easily. It needs to be understood emotionally. So then investing ourselves emotionally with genuine care is possible, we do not have to fake it. We can understand that it is important and treat it as it is.
I realised tonight that while I mastered it with my customers, I am not as consistent with other people in my life. Genuinely caring is not a natural state, but with practice, we create a high way to that state. Practice is key, we cannot just change our mind, and hope that the next, we would care deeply and truly.
We need to learn and practice how to interact emotionally when our partner feels sad for their need we do not relate to isn’t meet. We need to learn and practice how to care for our parents struggling with ageing when we didn’t have our mid-life crisis yet but they do. We need to learn and practice how to genuinely care when our friends’ pet is sick, but we never had a pet nor care much for pet overall.
Thank you for your time and reading my post.
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