Let’s talk about self-soothing! I discovered self-soothing about a few years ago. I kind of knew about it before indeed, but I never really looked into how I do it or if I am even good at it. It turned out that I am not good at it! I want to define it before we go forward: self-soothing is the ability to comfort yourself when you are unhappy or in distressed.

We self-soothe in various ways. Some of the ways are not healthy and some of them are. We could self-soothe with a binge at Burger King, or we could take a bath and do some journaling. One might lead to obesity and suppressed emotions, the other one might lead to gaining insights and processing the emotions.

So, how do you practice self-soothing? It might worth asking yourself! I took two extreme examples just above, but it is important to realise that most of us never asked that question. So it isn’t surprising that a lot of us have in place unhealthy self-soothing habits.


According to Vanessa Van Edward, behavioral investigator, there are two reasons that we need to differentiate when it comes to self-soothing. Let’s imagine you have to organise a surprise party for your partner:

  • Reason 1 Logistical: That part is securing the secret place, inviting everyone that must be there or having the food just like you want it.
  • Reason 2 Emotional: That part will be the stress of hiding, the excitement of it too. It could be the pressure of managing the lies, and the worrying about how the party will turn.

Vanessa is suggesting us to ask ourselves three questions:

  1. How do I worry?
  2. Who can help me and how can they help?
  3. What are the differences between my Logistical and Emotional worries?

Not knowing that, is setting ourselves for failure, but others too. Some of us are turning to themselves for soothing, a bath, a good meditation or reading. Some of us turn externally to others, to a good friend se we can vent or going out and partying. If we do not self-soothe, we are usually hard to be around. We end up being madly upset for details and things of little importance. The source isn’t the little things, the source is the lack of logistical or emotional soothing.

In the interview below, Vanessa Van Edward will go through some of the above points and more about self-soothing. It is only a few minutes long for that topic, so it worth your time for sure!

Thank you for your time and reading my post.

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