We often try to create more and more routines in our lives. After all, it is one of the keys to the success we are pursuing. Relationships aren’t different, routines will help you build up your partnership, it will keep you close and growing together with your partner. Routines we have developed with my wife serves us well, we share three items of gratitude before going to sleep, or we go out for a weekly date. We have weekly play time together (video games), or time for our growth as a couple, doing various kind of exercises (self-development kind of exercises). I would encourage any couple to have these habits with each other. They make living with the other safe, and enjoyable.

In this article, I will use the Six Human needs from Tony Robbins for us to look at why and how to break the routine. Here are the needs:

  • Certainty <—-> Variety
  • Significance <—> Love and Connection
  • Growth <—> Contribution

As you can see, we have two crucial needs we must meet: Certainty and Variety. Routines are enabling us to met Certainty, but it makes things boring! There is no choice to make here, we need to meet both needs. So, sometimes, let’s break the routine, so we can also meet Variety within our relationship.


Here are some ideas of activities for breaking the routines:

  • Go do a yoga class together after a long day at work
  • Bring a gift home tonight
  • Be of service to your partner for one hour, and see what they ask!
  • Book a restaurant and go for a walk
  • Write a set of 20 crazy questions you never ask one another and go through them over dinner
  • Go for a cheat meal together in an unusual place

When we understand that we need to meet Certainty and Variety to be joyful, and happy with our partner, we can start to be creative. Often we look at when we need as an activity (see examples above), instead of looking at the need beneath it.

Activities are solutions to a problem, and that problem is actually just us trying to meet our need. Let’s say your come home tonight after a tiring day at work, and your wife is like: “Come on! Let’s go outside tonight! I want to dance!”. While she might really want to dance, she is trying to break the routine of staying home, and doing the same as yesterday, and last week. In other words, she craves for Variety, and dancing is something she likes to do to get Variety in her life.

In such a situation. A couple that does not know better, might end up fighting. The guy is tired and wants to go to bed early and just relax. The woman might snap that he never wants to go out with her, it is only about his friends. A couple that does know better (and now you are one of them!), might ask themselves what is behind that idea of going dancing. They might found out that the woman is lacking Variety lately. There is only one way to meet going out and dancing, it is doing it. But there are millions of ways to meet Variety. The way we meet our needs is usually not that important, it is important to meet them.

Thank you for your time and reading my post.

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