Today we look at 2 energies that are driving your relationship in many ways but also and more importantly your sex life. These energies are the fuel for intimacy, desire and passion between two beings.

They are called Masculine energy and Feminine energy. They have nothing to do with gender. Any of us can embody either energy. As our mood changes, as we have an unusual level of energy or as we feel stressed, we might flip from one energy to another. A common situation is that someone with a natural Masculine energy will turn into a Feminine energy when tired and the other way around is also commonly true.

These energies are simply polar energies and the more polarity there is between two partners, the more attraction will be at play. On the other side, if you meet with your partner at a time where you are on the same energy as they are, the passion wouldn’t be there.

What makes relationships work, is what you have in common

What makes relationships passionate, is when things are different!

Relationships are one of the most complex areas of our existence, let’s imagine it is like a puzzle for a minute. Not understanding the energies at play, is like trying to finish a puzzle with missing pieces or pieces with the wrong shapes. Even worst, some pieces might damage the other ones if put in the wrong place. Understanding that concept of Masculine and Feminine energies will bring you closer to your partner if you use them to your advantage. Let’s be on the lookout for some pieces to complete that puzzle of yours!

Before we go further, I would suggest you take that 5 minutes test to see what is your energy. As you read, you will gain insight into how your behaviours are feeding into these energies and that understanding might influence your results if you take the test after reading the whole article. I just did it again and I have a Masculine energy. What is yours? Share your Energy in the comments!

Let’s dive into what these energies are made of.

The Masculine Energy

The main driving forces of the Masculine energy is a life mission or by having direction in life. Someone in that energy wants to fix problems (use of logic), they will focus on the task at hand and be practical about it. Being in a Masculine energy comes with a strong physical presence and/or strength. That energy will drive someone to take actions, to look for challenges and compete. Living on the edge feels amazing while in a Masculine energy. Appreciation will mean a lot while in that energy, it is a great way to make your partner feel good in that situation!

While the Masculine energy is powerful and forceful, it can causes challenges. Someone in that energy might leave too soon, it could be the room during an argument or a relationship. This energy is expressed through words and not much with emotions, which can be challenging when communicating is crucial.

The Feminine Energy

This energy main driving forces are emotions and having an intimate relationship. It means openness, it is free-flowing. It is an energy full of creativy and expression. It also means nurturing and at times, being wild and free. Love and flow are key elements of the Feminine energy.

Someone in that energy with is looking for attraction and enchantment. They want to feel up with love, a beautiful energy and attention. At its core, it is about giving and receiving love. In that energy, there is a desire to feel understood. It is like living in a world of sensation and emotions.

This energy also got her own challenges. It might cause someone to hang onto things too much and/or stay too long (dispute, relationship etc.). In other words, it can create a situation were the person might wait and hope, which is quite powerless. In terms of communication, the person will respond and be on the lookout for mood and tone.

Now the interesting part, how to get a fulfilling sexual life…!

Polarization and Depolarization

By now, it may be clearer to you that we are talking about two energies that have a (strong) polarity in our sexuality. The way to make it work for your relationship is that you must find a way to embrace that polarity. If not, a process called “Depolarization” might be running and ruining your sex life. To keep it simple: “Depolarization occurs when partners no longer have the play of masculine and feminine energies between them.” Sex drive is low, excitation and passion feel like something from the past. The good news is that this can change!

One of the articles I read while learning about these energies has an interesting quote, which is quite caricatural but should help with understanding what to do or what not to do… 🙂


“Never tell a man with a masculine sexual essence that he is wrong, and never tell a woman with a feminine sexual essence that she is ugly.”

You might have done one or the other, or at least, being the receiver of these words and if you think about how you felt in that moment, it likely hurts a lot. It might have closed you up (Feminine energy) and make you truly upset (Masculine energy).

If you lost the passion in your couple or if you want to create more passion, you can look at that through the lens of these energies. If I look at my current and previous relationships, I haven’t always been great at embracing and nurturing my Masculine energy. On top of that, on many occasions, I was great at making my partner struggle with their Feminine energy too. Both partners need to nurture their own energy. While most men are Masculine and most Women are Feminine (in sex), it doesn’t have to be that way and it is totally okay. Whatever energy we tend to be “by default” (as it varies and changes!) and to be complete with our partner, we will need to embrace and leave space to express and nurture that energy. It also means we need to respect and allow space and nourishment for our partner’s energy.

There isn’t a simple key that everyone can use. Doing the test I’ve linked earlier (link for your convenience) is a good start, you will see where you are at. Then ask your partner to do the same. Whatever the outcome is, the next step I suggest is an open and honest dialogue about what makes you tick and what is nourishing for you for your own energy. Find ways for both of you to meet, each of you in your own energy while being in a respectful and safe space. It might take time, it might take practice and efforts or compromises. But there is a time and space for you to meet, it is just a question of making the efforts to find it!

Good luck to you and your loved one!

To go further

I would suggest you listen to this 3’23 video from Tony Robbins about these two energies! It will give you more insight about these two energies and maybe motivate you start a change in your relationship!


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